Powering through the pandemic.

As the paper mound grows taller, it’s becoming more difficult to see my nice fluffy white rug under my office chair. How is it one can be so clear about a topic, but find it surprising difficult to translate into words. How is it one can be considered an expert in a topic, but struggle at times to personally manage in that same area. Why do words escape me as I try to share words with other women who have questions, need encouraging, to be inspired, motivated or even validated? I’m sure the background noise of my 3 year and 6 year old fighting for the past 25 minutes doesn’t help either. Or the constant, “mommy I ungry (hungry), mommy Xander’s hitting me, or mommy my tummy hurts”, barraged by the constant email notification from students who aren’t sure when their assignment is due; mind you we’re talking about graduate level students. Whew, this wife, mama, professor, sister, daughter is TIRED! People often make comments that elude to a ‘super mommy’ title or supernatural strength to be able to accomplish as much as I do. The truth is many days are a blur, some days I have breakdowns and meltdowns right along with my two boys and many days I wonder myself how I am able to get most things done. The real raw truth is most days are a constant struggle, our once stable and ‘normal’ life is not met with loneliness, isolation, frustration, anxiety, disappointment and fear. So what’s wrong???

Depression and anxiety are real. I know because I have dealt with both. Quite honestly I have moments where I still become overwhelmed with all of my tasks and anxious about how I will get them all done. The things that I once loved, had become a chore and task. I loved teaching, mentoring young women and speaking. I soon began to question my gifts and talents. The thing I desire to do, was no more. Then I realized, what I once knew was no more. I had to shift my thinking and approach to life. Our new life was not planned, it wasn’t on my list of goals for the year, and quite frankly I didn’t ask for things to be this way, I don’t think anyone did. But here I was complaining and never offering any solutions or seeking God for ALL the answers. I was literally trying to do everything in my own power. God said many many times to me, “yeah how’s that working for you?” It wasn’t working, it has not been.

While I can’t speak for everyone, what I do know is:

Pandemic stress is real. Women in particular are struggling even more since the pandemic than men.

• Because many women take on the job of caretaker in most of our roles, the propensity to always expel energy and not replenish is deadly, it’s dangerous.

COVID grief is real.

• People are not only grieving the physical death of individuals, but we’re also grieving loss of routine, some jobs, friendships, contact with family, school, normal shopping, school, sporting activities in person, did I mention face to face school….

The New Normal, or What Have You

• Many experts are saying this way of living is our reality for the next 2-3 years. Whoa, I just shocked myself yet again typing that.

• Life that we once knew may never be again, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

• Learn now to cope and manage the stressors of life. This means taking control of those things you can, and those you can’t LET THEM GO! Trust me I am learning this concept everyday

• Recognize your feelings. What you’re feeling is real. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. If you need to seek out support, then do so. In my profession as a college professor and clinical social worker, it’s almost mandatory that we seek therapy; it’s healthy it’s unhealthy to not do so.

• Find and explore what works for you. For me, it’s been DIY crafting. You know what you love or desire, put it back up or pick it up!

• Gather a support team, mentor, person, etc. I have a group of girlfriends; we call it ‘Girlfriends Who Zoom’. When the pandemic first started, every Monday one person was lead prayer and every Friday, one person shared a recipe that we all cooked together on Zoom. You have no idea the power behind having other women you can connect with who genuinely support you and have your back!

• Lastly, pray, seek and spend time with God. Try it and see what happens.

As women, we try to bare it all when we weren’t designed to take on the load of every single thing, it’s impossible and overwhelming. I’ll leave you with these last words, don’t be afraid when you start to have these real and raw emotions and feelings, it’s normal. It means that your body is physiologically responding to stimuli and recognizes that either something is not right or everything is great. Pay attention to your body and its signals and try to find strength during what seems like such uncertain times in the eyes of man. It is my hope that you understand you are not alone.